Time to relive that glorious day when your seventh grade English teacher showed you this movie.
Steve Randle
How Hot: Hot like you know Tom Cruise is under there somewhere, but he does not have you at hello, and also something weird is going on with his teeth, and you never realized how much you didn’t want to see Tom Cruise with a bunch of chocolate cake falling out of his mouth.
Dream Date: He’d take you to the gas station and maybe snag you a free Coke. Which isn’t bad. Because a free Coke.
Zoetrope Studios
Ponyboy Curtis
How Hot: Hot like working backstage at your high school’s production of The King and I and wandering around before you see this kid with really tuff hair working on the set design and you’ve never been so attracted to ancient, Siamese architecture before, and then you find out that this guy also has a book of poems about the time he ran away to protect his alibi in a killing.
Dream Date: You find your way to an art museum, and he doesn’t make you eat in the museum cafeteria.
Zoetrope Studios
Two-Bit Mathews
How Hot: Hot like being in a bar and grill or a nursing home and the TVs are strangely set to Saturday Night Live and not sports, and you’re laughing, and this other guy in a cool coat is laughing, so you start laughing together and you figure why not? Anybody who likes Weekend Update this much is at least a consideration.
Dream Date: He takes you to see a funny movie, but it probably has Adam Sandler in it.
Zoetrope Studios
Johnny Cade
How Hot: Hot like you just walked into your first grade classroom and everybody’s being really annoying, but then there’s this one quiet kid with big, sad eyes, and he’s really handsome, but nobody’s talking to him, so you figure you might as well share your Hostess snacks with him at lunch because he’s so cute and you kiss him behind the bleachers during your first fire drill because you were nervous.
Dream Date: He takes you to the drive-in and lets you do all the talking.
Zoetrope Studios
