*Probably. We’re only speculating.
Li Shang (Mulan)
Disney
"Damn."
"Lovely Zayn hair."
"Nice eyebrows. An underestimated thing in a man."
"The only man that looks good with a semi-receding hair line."
'I'd like to see him in a grey cashmere jumper instead of that cloak – suave but casual."
"Grey is his colour."
"Imagine Shang in like, some nice Reiss threads. Or APC."
"He's such an APC man"
"He'd look good in loafers, I think."
"He strikes me as a guy who would wear a Barbour coat, but he wouldn't be a dick."
"It's crucial to note how he wouldn't be a dick."
"Definitely not a dick. So important. Because not many people can have a sword above their mantle piece and not look like a dick.
"Shang would be cool, aware of his privilege."
"He seems like one of those tough guys who's actually really sweet, you know?"
"Sensitive soul?"
"Yeah, definitely. It's in his eyes."
"Do you think he likes dogs or cats?"
"Cats."
"Dogs too demanding. He needs his space."
"He's a dog man. You're all fools."
"He likes to take long walks alone to do thinking, which I guess you could do with a dog, but that would probably ruin his vibe."
"Long solitary walks! Yeah, he loves those."
"He'd be a tough win, because he's so serious, but then he'd probably bring you croissants and the paper in bed."
"Is Shang a good dad?"
"I think he'd be devoted to his own kids but wouldn't be one of those big kid men who plays football with their mates' kids."
"I think he's a lone warrior."
"Might need a bit of warming up, I think."
"The teachers would be so scared of him on parent-teacher day."
"The teachers would fancy him."
"Definitely recycles."
"And always has a canvas bag on him. So careful about the environment."
"Loves sorting the plastics from the paper, does Shang."
"He makes a mean – but simple and elegant – Sunday roast. Beef rib, roasted beetroots, cavolo nero, nothing more."
"He roasts his parsnips in honey."
"Rustic, elegant. That's Shang."
"He'd take you to a cabin and sneak along a bottle of good English sparkling wine. Not something brash or obvious like Champagne though. Too gauche."
"I think he's into whisky."
"Let's go to the wilderness together, Shang."
Adult Simba (The Lion King)
Disney
"Bumbling. Plays rugby."
"YES, RUGBY. A bit dim. But nice."
A 'happy-go-lucky' kinda guy?"
"Bit clumsy. Huge paws that he doesn't know how to use. He probably can't undo a bra."
"But he's adorable. Would buy you cute, useless gifts."
"But also a bit worthy – the kind of guy who would start tidying at a party when you were plotting ways to track down more booze."
"Yes, I imagine he's just like all dudes in their early 20s: clumsy, unsure on how to talk to women, emotionally restricted."
"Yeah, but Simba is the kind of guy you can't help but love because he's so kind."
"Kind, yes. But not fully formed."
"If he were a human he would have such good hair."
"He's seen so much."
"He's had a troubled upbringing. That makes me feel ~~~things~~~ for him, you know."
"I think his past trauma has probably affected him more than he lets on."
"He'd charm you into bed but probably never text."
"I don't think you'd be that bothered though."
"Is Simba more friend than boyfriend?"
"He'd be that friend you secretly want to get with but would regret it afterwards."
"Yeah, he's a 'mate' kind of guy. Maybe an accidental one-time thing."
"I think Simba claims to like women a lot, but secretly doesn't respect them that much."
"You'd be mates with him for the 'bants' and feel sorry for all the girls he clumsily fingered after a night at Inferno."
"I don't like Adult Simba."
"He's too in awe of his dad. No woman can match up to that majesty."
"Daddy issues up the wazoo."
"I wish he was just a little but more like Mufasa..."
"If only Mufasa had lived."
"Gone too soon.?"
"His bants act is actually a cover for the fact that he doesn't think he can ever be as good as his dad."
"You'd have him on call for when you felt bad about yourself and he'd pretty much always be up to it."
"But on your way home, you'd think, 'man, that was actually quite a bleak fuck.'"
"Whoa."
"We are analysing the shit out of adult Simba."
