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Thứ Hai, 27 tháng 10, 2014

25 Disney Movies That Could Have Been A Lot Shorter

One choice can change your destiny or completely prevent it.


Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs


Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs


Lesson: THE SIMPLEST PLAN IS THE BEST PLAN.


The Evil Queen could have just killed the dwarves once finding Snow White, or shot her straight out with a crossbow. None of this poison apple nonsense. Honestly, the queen is just plain lazy. Snow is fourteen, and can't even live on her own without succumbing to a sort of domesticated slavery (but with song).


Alternative Ending: The Evil Queen gets to live happily for about a year until another gorgeous up-and-comer hits puberty.


Disney


Cinderella


Cinderella


Lesson: GET A SAFE RIDE.


Don't show your psychotic step-family that uses you as a slave the only thing you really value and then try to share their cab. This is why you can't have nice things, Cindy.


Alternative Ending: Cinderella goes to the ball, is immediately swept off by Prince Charming, and even gets to stay the night because none of her clothing melts off (at least not by itself). Charming then has to marry her out of...civic duty.


Disney


Alice in Wonderland


Alice in Wonderland


Lesson: DON'T DRINK UNSUPERVISED DRINKS.


How about we don't eat and drink things we find lying around prompting us to do so? That's like the first five minutes of every forensic crime show.


Alternative Ending: Alice sleeps dreamlessly and wakes up without a huge metaphor for puberty and changing views. She still gets to be a child. Hurray for no juvenile acid trips.


Disney


Peter Pan


Peter Pan


Lesson: STRANGER DANGER.


This kid just crawled through your window while you were sleeping, and asked you to jump out of it holding his hand. Yeah, seems legit.


Alternative Ending: Wendy, John, and Michael keep sleeping and grow up, and deal with their daddy issues like everyone else.


Disney




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