Because if ironing your hair with an actual iron hasn’t killed you yet, nothing can.
If you're reading this and your birthday is pre-1970, you've already won...
At Darwin's game of survival, that is! Why? Because you've been through some crazy experimental and neglectful shit in your time and the fact that you aren't wearing a permanent pair of crazy pants means you must be evolved or something!!!
Here are some "normal" things from your childhood that are actually insane...
Hair care was very different.
Hooray for not getting lit on fire!
Car seat technology was kind of a joke.
Because a metal headband will definitely keep me from being catapulted out of this poorly-protected death trap.
Everyone had very interesting ideas about orange juice.
Because whoever is responsible for making Ranch dressing must have their health priorities in the right places.
