“So, how about that Trump fella?”
Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed Life
This time of year, many of us will make a pilgrimage to see our families. Halls will be decked, candles will be lit, and ancient stories will be told. Hopefully everything for you will be hugs, warmth, light, and reconnection with the people you love. But if you are dreading dealing with that one jerk relative or bracing yourself for an onslaught of intrusive questions and and awkward topics, here's a guide to keeping your cool and choosing your battles when everyone around you is making it weird.
"What are you doing for the holidays?"
If this is a happy and important time of year for you, this question is routine pleasant small talk. For people with dysfunctional families or people going through hard times — not to mention the giant swath of the world's population that celebrates their major holidays at other times of year — this question registers somewhere between "total non sequitur" and "Welp, thanks for the reminder." We who celebrate should celebrate, but we also need to make room in our celebrations for other people's realities, even if that means making room for grief or pain.
• "I don't really celebrate, but tell me what you like to do."
• "That's a painful subject just now, thanks for understanding. But tell me more about your celebration!"
• If someone badgers you for details, they are the ones who are out of line. Just repeat yourself. "You had no way of knowing, but I really don't like to talk about it. Let's change the subject."
Try to remember that most people are just making small talk and they probably don't want to upset you. Also remember that you don't owe anyone an uncomplicated life or a performance of happiness. If someone finds your holiday spirit inadequate, they are the ones making it awkward.
And if you ask somebody about their plans and they don't seem excited to talk about it, take a cue from them and don't try to sell them on the season. Wish people well and let their feelings be what they are.
