The story of eight couples. And five PMs.
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1. The film would begin in Sydney's Kingsford Smith Airport.
2. And you'd see happy travellers arriving, and running into the arms of Border Security.
3. After they'd waited for the two hours it takes to get through customs they'd finally see their loved ones.
4. Billy Mack would be doing a Christmas cover of "You're the Voice".
5. It would be called "You're The Voice of Christmas".
6. And it would be terrible.
7. He'd be played by Hugo Weaving.
8. And he'd be attempting to beat Vance Joy in the Hottest 100.
9. Best Friend Mark would surprise Newlyweds Juliet and Peter with a flashmob of Kylie's "I Should Be So Lucky".
10. Also it would be the wedding of "Pete and Jules".
11. Mark would be played by Sam Worthington, Jules by Miranda Tapsell and Pete by Josh Lawson.
12. He'd surprise Jules at her door but she'd tell Pete it was just their Menulog delivery.
13. His final sign would say: "TO ME, YOU ARE FULLY SIK".
14. Depressed writer Jamie would be played by Simon Baker.
15. Instead of a French cottage, he'd withdraw to a resort in Bali.
16. Where he'd meet a German backpacker played by Diane Kruger.
17. The two of them would bond over trying to buy the last Bintang singlet at a market.
18. Eventually he'd have to learn a handful of German phrases and track her down in a backpackers in Bondi to tell her he loves her.
19. She'd have learned a handful of English from some of the other backpackers.
20. And even though she'd be hungover AF, she'd tell him she loves him too.
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21. Eric Bana would play sleazy husband Harry, and Cate Blanchett would play his wife, Karen (Kaz).
22. Harry would be trying to impress Mia the seductress (Isabel Lucas) by buying her something really posh from David Jones.
23. But he wouldn't be able to get any service because there's never anyone in DJs when you fucking need them.
24. Harry would almost get caught by his wife waiting for the nonexistant help.
25. Karen would think she was getting a necklace but she'd end up with a Missy Higgins CD.
26. And she'd blast "Where I Stood".
27. There'd also be no ambiguity when she left his cheating ass.
28. But first she'd have to organise the kids for their Christmas performance for Carols by Candlelight.
29. John and Judy, the porn body doubles, would be played by Hugh Sheridan and Isla Fisher.
30. They'd bond over having to work during the holidays, and how shit it is when everyone else is at the beach.
