Sorry, too busy tending to my crops and referring to myself in the third person.
Justin Sullivan / Getty / BuzzFeed
1. Set statuses in the third person.
2. Like, "Has had a very good day with his best friends."
3. Kind of like you were talking about somebody that wasn't you.
4. Used (a) and (L) and -.- because emojis didn't exist yet.
5. Sorted every picture into an organised photo album.
6. And gave them embarrassingly cringey names.
7. They were usually quotes about living life.
8. Because at 14, you were living it to the max, let's be honest.
9. You claimed possession of your friends photos.
10. If your picture didn't have a caption like, "Becca owns xoxo" you probably had no friends.
11. Which was sad.
12. You created a family tree using your friends.
13. Like making one of your friends your brother.
14. And getting engaged to your best friend because, unlike Bebo, Facebook didn't have "other halves".
15. Sometimes this engagement would progress to Facebook marriage.
16. Which basically meant to you were the parents to all your friends.
17. But then if you fell out, you divorced pretty quickly.
18. If you had a bf or a gf, you'd randomly write things like, "ilu" or "ily" or "iloveuu" on their wall.
19. Never just, "I love you" because that was a sin against the internet.
20. You'd also randomly comment on bae's status with, "mine (L)".
21. This was so everybody would be jealous of your cute relationship.
22. But also to warn off any lurkers.
23. You got in from school and jumped straight on Facebook because there'd been a fight at lunchtime.
24. And you knew that shit was about to get real AF on the newsfeed.
25. This led to statuses that had 172 comments on them.
26. A good portion of those comments were probably you saying something helpful.
27. "lol".
28. Sometimes you'd be involved and couldn't just sit back laughing though.
29. You needed to let people know you weren't messing around.
30. Because you couldn't do that in person.
31. Too scary.
32. #KEYBOARDWARRIOR
33. Whenever you fell out with someone at school, you unfriended them as soon as you got home.
34. Which was much less satisfying than removing them from your top 16 on Bebo.
35. Bebo forever.
36. If you thought somebody was hot, you could poke them and it wasn't weird.
37. Well maybe it was a little weird.
38. But you had to do what you had to do.
39. And you didn't have Tinder so what other option did you have?
40. You created Facebook pages about love and heartache.
41. Even though you were like 12.
42. But you knew what love was then, you were talking from experience.
43. You believed you were a cast member of Skins.
44. And therefore acted accordingly on Facebook.
45. You filled out Facebook notes with honest answers.
46. Because if you didn't, the grim reaper would appear at the bottom of your bed.
47. Or you'd get seven years bad luck.
48. And nobody needed that.
49. Seriously they should bring back the art of the Facebook note.
50. You played Farmville.
51. You weren't shit if you weren't rearing livestock and tending crops.
52. You played MouseHunt.
53. Those fucking mice.
54. You had to set alarms so you could remember to go on Facebook and click the horn to hunt the mice.
55. Basically mice ruined everybody's fucking day.
56. You posted song lyrics as a status.
57. You wanted everybody to know how you were feeling.
58. But you didn't want to be obvious.
59. So you'd post some lyrics and sit back waiting for the, "omg bbe u k?" comments to roll in.
60. And every evening, before you went to bed, you said good night to Facebook.
61. Because tbh, nobody else cared.
