“A gluten-free pizza, just for me.”
Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed / Google Inc.
1. Kevin McCallister would be played by Room breakout child actor Jacob Tremblay.
2. His mom would be played by Kristen Wiig and his dad would be Bill Hader.
3. Buzz would be played by Jack Gleeson (aka Joffrey from Game of Thrones).
4. The "Wet Bandits," Harry and Marv, would be played by J.K. Simmons and John C. Reilly, respectively.
5. Kevin would ride around the house on a hoverboard bugging everyone.
6. And his family would think he's too young and "helpless" to handle social media, so it would be blocked on his cell phone.
7. Kevin would complain to his parents about Uncle Frank showing "bad" YouTube videos to all the other kids but him.
8. Then he would use Google translate to figure out what "Les incompétents" means.
9. And when he asks Buzz if he could sleep in his room, he'd get this text response:
Crystal Ro / BuzzFeed
10. Then Buzz would show Kevin creepy Wikipedia pages about "The South Bend Shovel Slayer" with photos vaguely resembling their next-door neighbor, "Old Man Marley" — who could totally be played by Joe Pesci.
11. When the pizza arrives, Kevin would ask: "Did anyone order me a gluten-free pizza?"
12. Kevin's mom would tell Fuller to "go easy" on his Stevia-sweetened Pepsi True.
13. Buzz would post an Instagram pic of himself eating the last slice of gluten-free pizza:
